Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
