WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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