Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
