shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
