i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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