I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
