oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
