No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
