You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
