Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
