No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize