i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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