Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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