Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
