ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
