My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize