Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
