your room smells of hookers.
And success
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
