He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She bit a glass in half.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
