grandma shit on top of the toilet
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What a dumb baby whore.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you never un-have a 4some
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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