you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
