Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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