my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
