i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
