You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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