you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
