I didn't shave. On purpose
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
