sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
