So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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