even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
love makes seman taste better
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
