I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
there is glitter all over my balls
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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