You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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