im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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