I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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