Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
