we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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