my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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