just come out here and I will go home with you...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
