dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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