Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
