Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
