I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
