The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize