let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
