There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
