Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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