My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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