It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
