guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
