Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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