He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize