The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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