It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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