Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
