I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize