im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
