i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
