I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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