Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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