I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
