Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I got her a Nickelback box set.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
