All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
