Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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