You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
