Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
