I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
