Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
