Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
